lost in translation

[I started this post last fall but for some reason never finished it. I wasn't far from being done, maybe waiting for clarity.]

Well, I think vacation time is finally over. We are buckling down. The routine has started and the challenge of understanding a foreign culture has officially begun. Dad is coming to grips with this, but has also been forced to accept he can't deny or starve his American wiring even while taking in Sweden. Try telling that to a five year old who is in the same boat, just starting to get a taste of playground politics. Jakob is learning the language and hanging in there but is also starting to get a taste of what its like to be different from everybody else. His Swedish is growing but still, he ain't a native and it's obvious. It begs the question: How equipped are five and six year olds(or any age) at being an outsider in a foreign setting, or how are they at accepting and embracing an outsider as an equal?

Sadly I don't think it's a question you ask unless your kid is on the receiving end of the equation.


Sweden has officially been very gracious hosts: free Swedish classes for immigrants, supplemented daycare and afterschool program for every kid in the country, health benefits for all and yet striking up a conversation with a neighbor on a personal level can prove most difficult and I'm not just talking about the language barrier. In general, Swedes keep their private lives private. You don't show vulnerability or share too much personal information. If you did you'd be considered talking about yourself too much. It's just something you don't do in a normal social setting. Puts these hard wired Americans a bit in a quandry. We so want to make friends and yet the social rules here are just about the opposite of what we are use to.

In their defense from a Swedish perspective Americans are often considered shallow or even insincere at times. Like when we say things like, 'we should get together,' an example pointed out to me by someone. As an American, I know what that means and the person isn't lying, just laying the desire out there to say they would like to get together. Swedes on the other hand believe you are sincere when you do something very tangible like have a calender in hand to plan out exactly when you will get together and when you do get together it is normal for the invited person to bring a small gift of some sort. Phew. No pressure.

The informal spontaneous playbook is thrown out the window. I will consider myself successful socially in Sweden when I really get to know a Swedish friend without all these rules of engagement.